Christmas starting in September?!
There was a time that I remember When December was early enough to see Lights in Oxford Street; Trafalgar Square the tree Am I growing grumpy? Is it me? **** **** It seems to me, (I could be wrong) The summer’s hardly been and gone Before the shops drag out their sign Telling us it’ll be soon be time To post our cards to foreign climes. Bah ! Humbug The television’s just as bad And makes me feel a little sad To be told I know I really oughtta Order now that brand new sofa For festive visitors to sit and lofa. **** ****Supermarkets say it’s not too early To sell us cakes with icing swirly It’s enough to make you wheeze and cough Cooking programmes? I’ve had enough So they can go and just Bake-Off. Bah ! Humbug Posting signs for poor old Santa To stop here, is the latest mantra Competing neighbours lights outbid Pushing demand on the National Grid Enough’s enough ! It must be said ! **** **** Getting gifts is just too trying In the shops or on-line buying Keep the receipt; just to be sure In case it’s returned back through the door Where you queued hours days before. Bah ! Humbug Check names to send cards from last year Cross out the ones no longer here Buy the stamp and write the card It really shouldn’t be that hard No sonnets - you are not the Bard **** **** Boxes make it easier to wrap Those awkward gifts so if you lack The expertise to be a winner And your wrapping resembles a dog’s dinner Disguise with ribbons, tags and shimmer. Bah ! Humbug Homemade presents can be more unusual And can save hours of perusal But did Granny think her jumper chunky (Albeit it quite unique and funky) Needed sleeves to fit a monkey? **** **** From the kitchen mother’s shouts Alert us to impending sprouts As saucepans jostle to form a queue There really is too much to do So many owed by all too few. Bah! Humbug Extra chairs for extra bums In-laws, family, neighbours, chums Dad and brothers disappear To the pub for Christmas cheer Just returning when all’s clear. **** **** Mum’s specs are steaming in the kitchen While guests are drinking and just sittin’ In the lounge their chatter louder Children squealing getting hyper Running, squabbling; what a caper! Bah ! Humbug Dad’s now been called to carve the turkey It’s tradition; not malarkey Plates piled high with veg and stuffing Chairs squeezed round with huffing and puffing Crackers ready now for pulling. **** **** Children prised away from toys That flash and whizz for girls and boys Makes them scream and sometimes cry I really wonder why oh why I can’t wait to say “Goodbye.” Bah ! Humbug In a flash the dinner’s gone It’s time for pud with brandy on Custard, cream or brandy sauce Cholesterol nightmare which will force Your heart to falter on its course. **** **** And not to mention all the calories You’re chewing on those poor old cavities All washed down with loads of booze You seem unable to now choose But tightening waistbands should be clues. Bah ! Humbug It seems the kitchen is a TARDIS Refilling plates, replenish! Replenish! There seem no end to all this gluttony The constant noise of clattering cutlery Swamps the speech made by the Monarchy **** **** At last the feasting now subsides With plates pushed back with gasps and sighs The cook is thanked for all her work From washing-up they cannot shirk From piles of grease out in the murk. Bah ! Humbug The tables cleared; chairs put away Belts are loosened; I’d love to say That I’d really enjoyed this but Rather than lie or sit and tut I’ll refrain; just keep my mouth shut.**** **** Remembering those missed around this table Who I’d recall if I were able Finally, I really do digest The warmth and love of every guest I realise I am truly blessed Perhaps I AM - BAH ! HUMBUG So, CHEERS EVERYONE AND MERRY CHRISTMAS
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